Are you an Empath? Welcome to the world of emotional pain.

There are articles filled on google. A simple search will give you a good idea of who empaths are and if you are one of them. I am writing this article, not as a doctor with years of research or therapist with years of contact with people with this quality. And Yes, it is quality. No one should be ashamed or feel weak because of being an empath. You are one of the rare people on this planet.

During the course of my life, I have met several thousand people. My family always have been very extroverted, meeting people, a lot of invitations and gatherings. I was so extrovert growing up that I could easily end up with a conversation with them. It was easy peasy. I used to entertain them with the jokes, act, and do what a kid would do to grab every possible attention and feel appreciated. When I say that I used to do these things that I mean not now. And you know what hit “Teenage” and a nightmare of a life “Introvert”.

Yes, I am an introvert, That’s why I am feeling more comfortable writing this stuff on a digital medium than speaking at a conference. When I try to speak at any public gathering and believe me I have tried. There is noise in my head, If I say this what will he “feel”, What will they “think”, I point him out he will be “sad”, he might lose “focus” or get “angry” at me. I have no fear of losing anything, I am a yellow belt and have a year of MMA experience. So believe me when I say that I am not afraid of any type of physical confrontation or that person trying to judge me. Fuck their judgment. People come and go, You have to be selective. Being friends with everyone is not for a normal person.

The feeling of other overwhelms you, You start speaking so carefully that you don’t end up hurting anyone. You start to become diplomatic because it’s gonna create serious consequences in your brain. You immediately start getting everyone’s feelings in your head. Even the people you just met. Stage freight is caused by other feelings too. I am not a doctor. But after reading self-help books, This is my diagnostic of myself & I may be wrong. Anyone can be.

Now comes the pain part, which is essentially the reason you started reading this story. Being empathic towards others is not a bad thing. It's an emotion that should be taught to us at a very young age. Everyone these days has the empathy to some extent. But an empathic person takes empathy to the next level. Combine it with some overthinking. And guess what, your mind is blown. Let me give you an example to differentiate those feelings. When you see a beggar going past you, You feel that he is in bad condition, that’s why he is begging. Why doesn’t he work for it? Oh, I do enough charity for needy, he doesn’t seem needy at all. I will give my money to someone who is in need. Yea. That’s a general feeling in our society. That’s empathy towards other humans. Now you suddenly start to feel some emotions. Sadness: this guy has been going around since morning. He has to feed his family. He must be tired, disappointed. He can’t find a job, nobody would employ him. He simply doesn’t have the skills required. He must be so demotivated. I wish I can find him a permanent job so that he can survive. Guess what, That’s just a feeling of an empathic person. And if you can’t do these things, unfortunately, the pain and disappointment start. It can last from person to person but the pain will be there.

The world is cruel. We all know that. But we have to be strong, everyone says that. Now you try to be strong, but the feeling of helplessness in people is everywhere. That’s how they sell motivation. When an empath person sees those feeling even on news, television, Netflix, or physically. They start into getting those emotions. If there is a break-up, They feel it’s their break-up. Their heart is filled up with those feelings and keep them sad for a time. It hurts them more than the actor who just enacted a written story. Until they can finally move on to a new one. It’s also a characteristic of emotionally sensitive people. They are just words, they don’t define you. Your actions do. Thoughts and feelings combine to motivate you to act. So feelings do play some role in defining who you are and so does pain.

Other's feelings get so overwhelmed into your brain sometimes. You forget about your feelings. Fear, the biggest negative emotion there is, starts capturing you. You have never lost a person, but you know what it feels like. Then you go leaps and bounds to protect every person in your life. You never had a break-up, But guess what you know from a movie or an experience of others what it feels like and you fear to fall in love. Because it may end and you may be hurt and you can’t handle that feeling which is just in your head.

Words of advice. How I have been dealing with this. It’s not easy, it takes time but you can control it to only necessary situations. Again I am not a doctor, I am just sharing my experience. You should go to a certified doctor if you are in need of serious help.

1. Stop the overthinking: Overthinking is gonna make it worse. Don’t evaluate feelings. They are not gonna be their long. Everyone can & will do something with their life. Their actions have to lead to this point and future actions will take him to greatness or at least normal. Everyone feels differently. There are common emotions like happiness, sadness. But for everyone, they are experienced differently.
2. Their feelings won’t be the same as you think: When you are talking to a group of people, you make fun of something. There can be different emotions & feelings for everyone. You will start to feel it but advise “don’t judge”. Their life experiences have brought them to feel that way. If you make fun of a place, someone would have had the same experience there and will enjoy your joke. Someone would have had a bad experience, he would be sad. That doesn’t mean you can’t share your feeling. You have every right to speak your mind. They can’t understand you. change the company. Be with like-minded people.
3. Live in the moment, act now, or forget: You see a person crying. It’s gonna be in your head for a very long time. It’s empathic. Why is he crying? How can I help her? I am not her friend, I can make it worse? Now the thing is, Do you know these doubts for sure? Are you a time traveler from the future. No right? Then just feel the moment, do something, or move on. Life is supposed to be lived every single day. You cannot just carry the same feeling forward. Keep changing it. Fill with something new. Wow, it’s a nice scent, I am blessed to be alive, That bridge is so tall, they would have done a better job making this more straight. Whatever get over those feeling. The other person going through is his/her life. It's their destiny. If you can ask them, help them! kudos that is great. But If you can’t don’t blame yourself or that you could have changed things.
4. People have inner fights, be there for them but only to support: You don’t need to be a guru every time. Just say everything will be alright. Give them hope. Sometimes it’s the best you can do. You will have thoughts that I could have done this or that. Let them just be thoughts. They might have made the situation worse. No matter what you say, people have to find their own way out. Let them. Being guiding light is good, when you know the person fully, your parents, your partners. But if you are dealing with none of them, just be a helping hand. And no this thing might never happen with you. And even if it does there is no guarantee this person or anyone will be there to help you out of it. You are the master of your own life, seek divine guidance, seek professional help. Whatever works for you.
5. Stop feeling everything: You see a break-up on television, you get sad. But believe me, it’s only drama. Once it’s over just think that it’s normal. Everyone cries everyone has a break-up. People go through things you can’t even imagine. If you can help a rape victim, suicidal people do that, you will feel better. Don’t be on your couch feeling bad about a tv show. They portray everything very heightened. Real-world is not every time like that. A breakup might not hurt you if it was mutual. There are ways to get over it. You don’t have to be depressed or cry like the actor in that movie. You can easily get depressed with it. But what is the point?
6. Love yourself: You are the only one. There is no one like you. Why do you want to feel pain? There is a medicine for any physical pain. There is a solution for emotional pain as well. If not it will pass. Let it pass. Don’t keep holding it. You can’t go back and change it. Feeling it will never help you overcome it. The person from whom you got that pain will get over it. You might never. So why take it. Why can’t it be just like, I am here for you. Here is a cookie. Let’s go for a drink. Instead of he/she is so sad, how will she get over it, what should I say to him to help? From my experience, people come out of every pain much stronger. What doesn’t kills you makes you stronger right. But you are an empath, kudos, you might never. It will keep on weakening you. You will keep it inside, associate with situations, and never be free. So for your sake, don’t go into it.

These are just some way, I control my empathy to a level where neither I go into depression nor I inject myself too much into someone else’s life. If you like it and make a point please follow it. Be free from pain. It’s not worth it. If you don’t agree with me, well you need some other advice. Keep looking for it & try to get out the emotional pain. It is the worse of all pains. I recommend reading the book “Subtle art of not giving a F**K”. It helped me, I hope it can help you too.